It’s not you, it’s the system. But you are part of this system, that is crumbling down before our eyes. And so am I.
This is my story.
As I wrote in the about page, my personal system failed. I needed to fall low, to get my things together and try to fix my personal system. This blog is my attempt in doing so.
And this post is about how I try to make a better system for myself and why this is significant for fixing the global system.
How my life got derailed
The last few years were hard on all of us. Pandemic, climate crisis, wars, fascism. Just to name some buzzwords. Like for the most of us, my life has fallen apart. This blog is part of my attempt to get on track again. But how did my life get derailed? This will be a long answer. Like in therapy, we have to go back to my childhood.
I was alone a lot in my teenage years. Both my parents had jobs. My siblings were older and not at home this much. My school and friends were on the other side of the city. So television became my best friend and mentor.
That’s why I wanted to work on television or be a filmmaker. At the age of seventeen, I attended a movie workshop for teens. It was great. From this day on I was sure, I wanted to make movies.
I did the entrance exam for the Vienna Film Academy. And I failed. In retrospective, rightful so. The movies I made were bad. Because I was lazy, afraid and had no idea, what I did. Which was to become a pattern in my life.
I studied film and media studies. I did some video and movie projects during university, but nothing big. Furthermore, I also started a YouTube channel and a blog, and tried to make my own TV show on an open TV channel. But nothing worked.
After university, I got self-employed with a website/blog. But starting a family put an end to this. To be honest, even if I hadn’t become a father, I am sure, the project would have failed. Because I am lazy, afraid and have no idea, what I do.
The Office
All the time, since 2006 I had a job and still have writing this. It started as a side hustle during university. It eventually became my “real” job. And I hate it.
At first, it was a chill and easy work and I had a good time with my colleagues, who became friends. I even started working with some of them for a website, where I made videos and wrote articles. But you guess it, I quit that job and kept the bad one. Which happened several times, and all because I was afraid and lazy.
The chill and easy job became boring, many of my colleagues are now in a better place aka have another job. I am still in the old place and I hate it.
How not to become a YouTuber!
2019 I started a new attempt of becoming a YouTuber. I bought an expensive computer, the whole Adobe suite and made some videos.
Then Covid came along. As the worldwide pandemic completely unexpected hit Austria, it went into lockdown.
At first, it was super stressful. My wife has a systemically relevant job and can’t do home office. So I worked and took care of my child at the same time. As many others did.
Then luckily I went to short-time work and Kindergarten opened again. I thought, that’s my chance. I had time and wanted to go all in. And I kind of did.
I still had my YouTube channel. I started a daily podcast, but only did a few episodes because I didn’t have to say anything. Unlike most other people, this stopped me from moving on.
Not only that, but I made a second YouTube channel and did short videos. This time I wasn’t lazy, and I had an idea about what I did. My videos did ok. Not great, but ok.
Happy Birthday, girl!
Then I became father for the second time. I worked full hours again. But I had a plan.
On parental leave, I wanted to search for a new job or be a full-time content creator.
A few days after my parental leave started, my whole family got Covid. This is now two years ago, and we still haven’t fully recovered.
Nobody had to go to the hospital, but since then we are sick all the time. My mental health suffered a lot. I wasn’t used to be sick that often, and I hadn’t the time or the energy to find a new job, so I had to go back to the one I hate.
That’s sick!
Having sick children, being sick myself all the time and working at a job I hate, wasn’t good for my mental and physical health. And because of Covid, my wife and I couldn’t ask someone else to look after our kids, when they were sick. So one of us took care of the kids half the day while the other one worked, and then vice versa.
This wasn’t a great time for our partnership as well.
I got depressed and finally had to go to therapy to get along with my life.
My mental health slowly got better. But I didn’t take care of my body. I ate bad food, didn’t do any sport, had a lot of stress and high blood pressure.
On December 1st I had chest pain and my left arm went numb. I thought I had a heart attack.
Luckily, it was only a heart inflammation. But for me, it was enough. I had to change my life. For once, fear should be my empowerment and not my brakeman.
Now I want to do it right. I analyzed my situation, and I think I know why I always failed. Yes, it was laziness, fear, and ignorance. But these were only the symptoms.
I did not have a vision, goals, or plans. I did not have a system.
This is what I want to build now. First my personal system but also a global system. The latter shall be the protagonist of this blog.
It’s the system, stupid!
It’s not the first time I looked into productivity. I always wanted to have a solution for my problem, which I thought could be an app or something similar.
I also heard about visualizing who you want to be and working toward it. But I was reluctant to do that, because it sounded cheesy and I didn’t want to do it.
I also heard of James Clear before, the author of “Atomic Habits”. But it sounded too esoteric to me, so I didn’t really look into it.
The same goes for August Bradley. A system thinker and Notion guru. I tried Notion for a good amount of time. It has potential, but it isn’t for me, because you need so much time to build it, and I don’t have that time. But Bradley got me into system thinking.
But it wasn’t until I stumbled upon Alexis Kingsley on YouTube I recognized, James Clear could be a help to me. I was searching again for something that could help out of my misery. And Kingsley explained it in a way even I understood it.
So I bought “Atomic Habits” and yes, for me, it is a big help.
There is nothing exceptionally new in the book. But James Clear summarizes everything very good and makes the obvious clear. (pun intended)
My conclusion doesn’t come from the book alone. It is a conglomeration of different sources I came across all these years. And this is for me, my system, it doesn’t necessarily have to fit you.
Have a vision
First, I visualized who I want to be and where I want to be in 10 years. This takes time, and it isn’t a one time thing. Because one essential part of this system is reviews. Due to the process of visualizing, you review it over and over again. Because things change, life is full of surprises and priorities may shift.
Repeating it takes you to the essential core of who you are and who you need to be. Here I use the analogies of script writing, where the protagonist often has a want but doesn’t know his need, which he/she often recognizes at the end of the movie, play, or book.
Having a vision is the most important thing. It motivates you, it keeps you on track and helps you to make decisions.
If you want to see it in a philosophical or spiritual way, it gives you meaning of life.
I guess I recognized it before, that’s why I was so reluctant. But it is nothing religious or esoteric, it’s psychological and philosophical and that’s more my territory.
Gooooooooal
When I had the vision, I set goals. I started with what I wanted to have reached in five years to come closer to my vision of myself. Then I broke it down to one year, to every quarter, every month, week, and day. The tasks got smaller with every step.
The daily tasks are as small as they can get. And every task has the purpose to get me a tiny step closer to become my vision.
Goals are like the steps you need to take to reach your final destination. If you finished one, the next one starts immediately.
Habits
Tasks and goals are one element. As the title of James Clear’s book suggests, habits are another, maybe more important part.
Habits and routines are actions you don’t think about, you just do them. And you do them, because they serve your identity. If you want to change the way you live, you need to change your habits. That is not always easy.
So you also break them down into tiny parts. For example, you don’t make it a habit to do sport in the morning, you make it a habit to lay the mat on the floor. The exercises are extra. Because it is easy to lay down the mat and if you have done that you feel stupid to not doing exercises.
Since I also need to get healthier, I started with morning sport. First I only did one minute and I only did some very low-key exercises. These exercises didn’t do anything good for my health per se. They only helped to get used to do sport in the morning.
I am slowly enhancing the exercises and expanding the minutes. Still, it doesn’t do much for my health, but I am getting used to do sport. I don’t have any goals. I don’t want to lose a certain amount of weight, I don’t want to run a marathon or, be able to lift a piano. I just need to be healthier and sport is part of a healthy lifestyle, this is why I am doing it.
Writer, Creator, Visionary
But I don’t want to write about my personal health, I want to write about systems. What does this all mean for this project?
I want to be a writer, a creator, maybe even a visionary. And this blog is one of my tools to be that. I am posting once a week. I write about how we can make the system we live in a better one.
I don’t know it yet, but we will find out.
The blog posts are the base for videos and podcasts. Later I will make videos and podcasts that possibly only vaguely relate to this blog.
The writing for this blog will eventually lead me to write for other blogs, newspapers, magazines, and finally a book.
These are all goals I have in the business part of my vision.
I also started very low-key to this journey. I tried to post a picture on Instagram every day. Just to get used to posting regularly. There are two advantages to doing something regularly. First you get used to it, it becomes a habit. Second, you get better every time. If you want to check for yourself, take a look at my Instagram page and find out.
One day, hopefully in the near future, I also want to make money out of this. Not because I want, but because I need. In our system, you require money, and what could be better than making it with something you want to do.
Think globally, act personally
If we want to fix the global system, we need to start small. And the smallest part in the world is yourself. When you have a good personal system, which is sustainable in any possible way, it’s your contribution to a good, sustainable, and social global system.
Visualize who you want to be and what you need to do to reach this vision. Break the plan into very small steps and follow it. Internalize the habits you need to reach your vision.
You may need to adapt on your way, and maybe your vision changes. That’s ok. Review every step and change the following ones if needed.
Maybe you are already the person you want to be. Congratulations. This is great.
You are already part of the solution.
Visualizing and realizing a global system is completely different to the personal one.
If you are interested in my thoughts, you can read it here.
My name is Ian DeBay.
I am the founder of iandebay.com. I am a content creator, blogger, podcast, YouTuber. This is my blog where I talk about system change, sustainability and other fun stuff.
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